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You're obsessed with Orlando Bloom (or Legolas) if...

Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood
Let's get something straight before any more dumbasses read this and tell me I'm weird for being obsessed.
I am in no way, shape, or form obsessed with Orlando Bloom.

Escape the Madness!

1. You refresh the main page of lordoftherings.net infinitely just to hear his voice say, "Hello, this is Orlando Bloom. Welcome to Lord of the Rings dot net."

2. You have a website stuffed full of graphics of Orlando Bloom and Legolas.

3. Your website also features the statement “Orlando Bloom = Perfection.”

4. You look at his picture(s) everyday.

5. You have his desktop theme.

6. You have his speech recorded on your computer.

7. You watch the movie multiple times just to see him in action.

8. You kiss his picture(s) everyday.

9. Oddly enough, you have a strong dislike of dwarves.

10. You’ve tried to call him so many times his machine knows you by your whole name.

11. You actually know his phone number.

12. You can recite his address forwards, backwards, upside-down, inside out, diagonally, and basically, no matter what.

13. You’ve tried visiting his home so many times his butler knows you fairly well.

14. In fact, the butler knows you so well that you’re actually going out.

15. You hate Frodo because he gets to be in the Fellowship with Legolas (and thus Orlando Bloom) and you don’t.

16. You hate the other members of the Fellowship for the above reason.

17. You hang a sign that says, “Orlando Bloom lives here” in hopes that he will see it and come and live with you.

18. You have gone for several days without eating because you have been so busy mooning over his perfect eyes.

19. You are likely to continue going hungry because, of course, you also have to moon over his sexy voice.

20. For school assignments, you write stories about how you and Orlando get together, get married, have perfect children, and live a perfect life.

21. You are sent to therapy for the above reason.

22. You give yourself pointy ears and hope that he notices you out of all the other teenyboppers who do that.

23. You begin wearing a blonde wig.

24. You learn archery.

25. You join thousands of clubs and societies dedicated to Orlando Bloom.

26. You create thousands of clubs and societies dedicated to Orlando Bloom.

27. You memorize all the facts about him.

28. You argue that he is far more than just a pretty boy with arrows. After all, he also has knives!

29. In addition, he is not a pretty boyÖ he is an elf!

30. You are disappointed when you attempt to walk upon the snow and fail.

31. You think it’s stupid how in the movie, Frodo asks Gandalf about the elvish language and not Legolas the elf.

32. Your greatest ambition is to attend Guildhall School of Music and Drama, London, so you can find which desk(s) he sat in and sit in it/them.

33. You dream about him kissing you.

34. You press your friends to give you Legolas-related birthday presents.

35. You make an Orlando Bloom scrapbook containing countless pictures of him that you diligently looked for on the Internet and found, printed out, and glued them in.

36. You receive a call from the London Police asking you to please stop stalking Orlando Bloom.

37. Orlando Bloom himself calls you asking you to please stop stalking him.

38. You beat up your best friend because he/she is also obsessed with him.

39. You actually learn the Elfish tongue(s) so you can [attempt] to communicate with him “in his own language.”

40. You spent twelve hours researching him after you came home from seeing Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.

41. You send him thousands of fan mails.

42. You send him his birthday gift.

43. You send him a gift for Valentine’s Day.

44. Your friends consider you completely obsessed with him.

45. Your friends consider you insane for the above reason.

46. Your friends consider you very obsessed and insane.

47. Your locker is full of pictures of him.

48. You dedicate your whole free time online just to find more pictures of him.

49. Your hard disk is full of his pictures.

50. Your computer crashes because you have too many pictures of him.

51. You’ve spent five ink cartridges on his pictures.

52. You’ve spent five ink cartridges and several stacks of good quality photo papers on his pictures.

53. You carry his pictures around in your backpack.

54. You have his pictures laminated.

55. You have his pictures in your wallet so you can carry them around everywhere.

56. You feel an absolute need to convince everybody (including your boyfriend) that he is the hottest guy anywhere.

57. Your last boyfriend broke up with you for the above reason.

58. You can list more than 500 reasons why you like him so much.

59. You purchase multiple copies of the one-volume edition of Lord of the Rings just because it has his picture on the back.

60. You begin a campaign to turn his birthday into an international (heck, maybe even intergalactic) holiday.

61. Your teachers begin complaining because you write his name in little hearts all over your homework papers.

62. You cease to do your homework, and simply concentrate on writing his name surrounded by little hearts wherever on your papers you can, and just turn that in.

63. You fail all of your classes for the above reason.

64. You attempt to communicate with animals and are disappointed to find that you are not as at one with nature as you first thought you were.

65. In your attempt to imitate Legolas, you refuse to say anything unless it is ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NECESSARY. (and maybe not even then)

66. No matter how many &#@$%ing times you try, you can NOT shoot more than one arrow at a time.

67. You have rented a blimp to spell out the words "I LOVE LEGOLAS!!!" (or “I LOVE ORLANDO BLOOM!”) and flown it over London in hopes that he will see it.

68. You declare boldly over your school intercom that dwarves suck.

69. You claim that you are the son of Thranduil.

70. You go to McDonald’s and ask the cashier for lembas.

71. You go to McDonald’s and ask the cashier for miruvor. (Note: Miruvor is what they drank when they were stuck on Cahadras.)

72. The cashier kindly asks you to go back to the mental hospital you came from.

73. You eat lembas.

74. You are a guy, you have long blond hair, and you are tall.


Some of these that aren’t Legolas or Orlando-specific can be adapted to include any or some of the characters. (#61, for example)

Jen helped me with this one because she’s the one who’s obsessed, not me... Marissa also helped because she wanted to.

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