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You're obsessed with Elijah Wood (or Frodo) if...

Frodo Baggins of the Shire
Let's get something straight before any more dumbasses read this and tell me I'm weird for being obsessed.
I am in no way, shape, or form obsessed with Elijah Wood.

Escape the Madness!

1. You give yourself blue eyes.

2. You give yourself some kind of funky perm to achieve hair like Frodo’s.

3. You make yourself furry feet.

4. Furry feet really turn you on.

5. You smoke a lot of pipe weed.

6. You carry around a gold ring that you won’t give to anyone.

7. No matter how many times you throw that damn gold ring into the fire, it never shows you those cool runes!

8. You wish you were about half your height so you could cuddle up with him.

9. You feel extremely stupid when you realize that he is about 5’6” (I think... quick! Check it up, Frodo fangirls!).

10. You are extremely frightened of big tall guys who carry around big metal shields that look an awful lot like dinner plates.

11. Every midget you see suddenly looks very, very cute.

12. You hated everybody else in the Fellowship because they didn’t seem to appreciate Frodo enough.

13. You hate Arwen (Liv Tyler) because she got to be so close to Frodo and all she did was lug him around on some horse and tell him not to die.

14. You hate Sam because he got to give Frodo a bath.

15. You sincerely believe they should put his face on a stamp.

16. You have his face posted everywhere you can.

17. Your school’s walls are covered in layers of pictures of him, which, of course, were all pasted by you.

18. You are suspended from school for the above reason.

19. You create an actual shrine for him and sacrifice gold rings and pipe weed to him.

20. You take up so many ink cartridges and sheets of expensive photo paper printing out pictures of him that you will certainly be indebted to your parents forever.

21. You get more plastic surgeries than Michael Jackson (gasp!) in your endeavor to look more like Elijah.

22. You honestly think he has a really cool name.

23. You try to tumble down a mountain while trudging through the freezing weather and very deep snow and are very disappointed when you are not caught by anybody.

24. You edit tons of the greatest love songs out there to include his name and sing them to the picture of Frodo that you’ve tacked up on your wall.

25. You don’t think he needs a manicure.

26. You want to kill all the fanfiction authors who are making him gay.

27. You want to kill all the fanfiction authors that kill or harm him in any way, shape, or form.

28. You know his age and birth date and whatnot by heart.

29. You repeat them to yourself everyday before you go to bed instead of your prayers.

30. You obsess over his wonderful blue eyes nonstop.

31. You obsess over his nose nonstop.

32. Your friend, who is being forced to write about people’s obsessions with certain characters, tells you to shut up about it all already.

33. You get your mom to agree with you that he is cute.

34. Your dad agrees as well.

35. You write a complete biography of his life and publish it. (or at least try.)

36. Elijah Woods calls you and compliments you on a great job you did with his life in that biography you wrote. Especially with that part you made up about him and that cherry treeÖ

37. Every time you see him, your mom begins to complain because the vicinity turns into a lake of your drool.

38. Your family gets mad at you for drooling all over the keyboard and the computer.

39. You’ve actually been electrically shocked by your computer because of the electrical currents traveling through your drool.

40. Your parents are angered by all the lipstick smudges you leave on the computer monitor after having looked at all of his pictures again.

41. When you are watching the movie yet again, you run up to the big screen and desperately attempt to knock out that big mean black rider for stabbing Frodo!

42. You fantasize nonstop about living with him.

43. Heck, you fantasize nonstop about being in the same room as him!

44. You settle for being thrilled because you live on the same planet as him in the same solar system in the same galaxy in the same universe.

45. You have over 1,000 members in that club you made dedicated to Elijah Wood and they’re all you.

46. You officially change your last name to Wood.

47. You send him presents nonstop.

48. You finally receive a letter from him thanking you for all of the nice presents, but asking you to stop because he doesn’t have any space in his house for anything else.

49. You begin a company that makes dolls of Elijah Wood or of Frodo.

50. You “argue passionately” when people tell you that hobbits are weird or stupid. (Argue passionately: a 2-hour long screaming fit involving scratching, biting, and clawing.)

51. You hate people who like Legolas because you think Frodo is better.

52. You hate people who like Orlando Bloom because you think Elijah Wood is better.

53. You hate your friend because her initials are the same as Elijah’s. (Geez... sorrrrry, Sangeetha...)

54. You get a tattoo on your butt that says something along the lines of “Property of Elijah Wood” with a little heart.

55. You were rejected from your last job interview because you ran around the office drawing his name surrounded by little red hearts on the walls using your magic markers.

56. You had to buy more magic markers for the above reason.

57. You get a professional painter to paint a picture of Elijah Wood/Frodo on your ceiling so you can look at him as you drift off to sleep.

58. Your other reason for doing the above is that you strained your neck trying to look at the ones on the wall while laying down; wasn't it hard bending your neck like that? 59. Your friends are scared to come to your house anymore because there is just so much Elijah Wood/Frodo stuff in there.

60. The rest of your family moves out because of the insane amount of Elijah Wood/Frodo stuff in your house.

61. You paint your carpet with his portrait.

62. You force your friend to write a list like this right after she wrote one for Orlando Bloom/Legolas for her other friend.

63. You are disappointed that he only unbuttons his shirt part of the way, and then that stupid mithril coat is in the way, blocking the rest of your view.

64. You and your best friend “argue passionately” (note: see definition in #50) about which character is the best: Frodo, or whoever she/he happens to like best.

65. You think Galadriel is a weirdo for doing that right in front of Frodo when he offers her the ring.

66. You begin introducing yourself as his fiancé or his girlfriend.

67. You get a sword that glows blue at times and call it “Sting.”

68. You scream every time your sword glows blue.

69. You painted your sword blue.

70. You spend a lot of your time gasping in front of a white screen.

71. You keep gasping while a guy and a girl debate for WAY TOO LONG on how to save your life.

72. You give your cousin a "magic" ring so he can give it to you.BR>
73. You urge your friends to eavesdrop on you.

74. You know Gandalf.

75. You know a wizard, period.

76. You get mad at your friend when he/she tosses jewelry into the fire.

77. You live in [what you call] a hobbit hole.

78. You live in a hole.

79. You urge your cousin to freak you out when he/she sees you wearing jewelry.

80. You don’t like giant octopi.

81. You don’t like people with no eyes.




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