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Killing Harry Potter! (Again)

Escape the Madness!

By Magical Obizuth


Liz: HEY LOOK! A NEW HARRY POTTER TO TORTURE! IT COMES WITH A SPECIAL RON WEASLEY, TOO!!!!!!
Sharmi: YAY! LETS GO!!
Liz: ALL RIGHT!
*Enter the new Harry Potter and the Special Ron Weasley*
*Liz brandishes her shiny pointy things and grins wickedly*
*Sharmi gets all kinds of icky bug things to put down their pants*
*Liz laughs hysterically and gives Sharmi a snake*
*Liz gets out a book that has very, very tiny printing and shows it to Ron*
Liz: Look, Ron!
*Ron looks closely... his face touches the page...*
*Liz snaps the book shut on Ron's head! His head is now flat!!!!*
*Sharmi laughs hysterically*
*Sharmi puts snake down Harry's shirt*
*Liz smiles cheerfully and watches in amusement as Harry dances around trying to get the very poisonous snake out of his shirt*
Harry: *dancing around* AAAAHHHH!!!!!!
Sharmi: Here, I'll save you!
Sharmi: This spider tarantula will eat the snake!
*Liz snickers*
*Sharmi puts the tarantula down his shirt*
*Liz throws a rat down Harry's shirt*
*The tarantula doesn't eat the snake, but begins running around in his shirt.
Harry: AAAAH! THERE'S LOTS OF UNSANITARY ANIMALS DOWN MY SHIRT!!!
*The snake is hungry, so it attempts to eat the rat, misses, and bites Harry*
Liz: It's a cotton mouth, Harry.
Harry: EEEEEEK MOMMY! A SNAKE BITED ME!!!
Sharmi: Your mom is dead.
Liz: Now it's time for ickle Ronniekins!
*Liz sneers at Harry, who is in great pain, but cannot die because that is not part of the Great Plot*
*Sharmi takes out wand and puts a freckle disappearing spell on Ron*
Liz: *Chases Ickle Ronniekins around the room* *Cheerfully* TIME FOR YOUR MEDICINE, RONNIEKINS!!!!!
Ron: But I want my freckles back!!!
*Ron gags as Liz forces the stuff down his throat*
Ron: What WAS that?
Liz: I don't know.
Ron: I wanna play with Barbie!
Liz: It looks like potassium cyanide, though...
Ron: That means you will be able to fly
*Liz looks at the bottle* Oh, well. Don't worry, Ronniekins... you won't die. That's not part of the Great Plot either.
*Ron begins to fly. He hits his head on the roof and gets a concussion*
*He is also knocked unconscious*
Ron: MOMMY LET'S BAKE SOME COOKIES WITH MY SNOT!
*Ron starts to gurgle and faints*
*Liz runs around the room screaming "EWWWWWWWW!"*
*Liz gives Ron a stick*
Ron: Oooo! It's stick-like!
*Liz smiles indulgently and watches as Ron manages to poke his eyes out with the stick*
*Sharmi laughs at Ron*
*So does Liz*
Ron: AHAHAHA THIS IS FUN! *poke* OW!! EEHEEEHEEE!
*Liz falls over laughing at Ron*
Liz: (to Sharmi) Watch this.
*Liz smashes a cream pie in Ron's face, just as he pokes the stick up his nose [again]*
*Liz snickers*
Harry: I feel so left out!!!!!
Sharmi: Dont worry
Liz: Do you like shiny things, Harry?
Harry: Uh huh... *nods vigorously...*
Liz: OKAY! *Hits Harry with a lightning bolt. Ironic, isn't it?*
Harry: HECK YA! THANKS ALOT!!
Harry: I'm not left out anymore!!
Liz: You are SUPPOSED to be unconscious.
*Liz hits Harry with the lightning bolt again.*
*And again and again and again!*
*Until Harry is finally knocked out*
Harry: WOW PRETTY LIGHTS
*Harry faints*
*Which doesn't take long, since he only had so many brain cells to kill...*
*Liz sits back and surveys hers and Sharmi's work with pride*
*Sharmi smiles and goes into the dining hall to eat all the food before Harry and Ron wake up*

Escape the Madness!
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(In case you're one of those oddballs who wants to reread THAT...)